Live With The YuGiOh! Cast
by ladydolce
Summary: Just a little something to add to your twisted sense of humor.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Okay I figured out a way to own Yu-Gi-Oh! But I'm not going to tell you. So for now I'll just say I don't own it!

* * *

"Hiya peoples! I'm Caly and welcome to Live with the Yu-Gi-Oh! Cast! Today we have a very special guest. He's the C.E.O of Kaiba Corp, Duel Monsters World Champion and a major pain in the ass. Ladies and gentlemen please welcome Seto Kaiba!" The audience cheered and some disturbing sighs and squeals could also be heard.

"Kaiba-san welc--"

"Its Kaiba-_sama._" Kaiba said glaring at our lovely host.

"Oh...um sorry. Kaiba-_sama_ welcome to our show. Its an honor to have you here with us!"

"Yeah I bet it is." He glanced around and noticed the drooling fan girls. "Ugh! Disgusting." Turning back to face Caly he noticed she was also drooling. "Do you mind?!"

"Oh!...um sorry again..heehee." Wiping up the drool with the back of her hand, she composed herself and got down to business.

"Ok um..Kaiba-sama, today we are here to discuss the most popular pairings in the Yu-Gi-Oh! fandom that you're involved in. So...um could you...could you stop glaring at me?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I hate you." Kaiba said glaring daggers at her.

"Well...could you glare at me later?"

"No."

"Fine glare at me all you want just answer the damn questions!" Seeing Kaiba's glare intensify she paled. "Please?"

"..."

"I'll take that as a peace offering. Ok so Kaiba-sama, what do you think about the pairing between you and Shizuka? It's called Silentshipping."

"Who?"

"Um...Shizuka Kawai." Looking at Kaiba's blank face she sighed. "You know...the mutt's sister."

"I am not a mutt!" Jounouchi said glaring at her while jumping on his seat.

"Sorry Jounouchi-kun! Ok so back to you Kaiba. What do you think about it?"

"Well seeing as I have no interaction at all with Katsuya's sister I can pretty much say I hate it! Besides why would I want to date that flea bag?"

"KAIBA!!" Jounouchi climbed on stage and stood in front of our sexy C.E.O. shaking his fists at him.

"Jounouchi sit boy!"

"Huh?" he looked at Caly with a dopey look on his face.

"Oops sorry. I thought you were like InuYasha!"

"Who?"

"Argh! Forget it! Get off the stage Jounouchi!"

"No, not until I kill rich boy for sayin' dat about my sista!"

"Don't make me call security Jou!" Caly said pointing to the tall, buff men taking a coffee break. "Hey you idiots! Did I say you can go on a coffee break?"

"S-sorry ma'am." He turned to the other guard. "Man she needs to get laid."

"I heard that!" Turning back to Jounouchi she sighed. "Alright Jou, kindly get off my stage."

"I told ya. I'm not leavin' till I pound rich boy's face into dust."

"Why do you want to do that?"

"Bcuz he said my sista is a flea bag!" he said glaring at her.

"Jounouchi what Kaiba said was harsh and uncalled for but completely true." Jou who was nodding his head almost fell off the stage at the last comment.

"W-what?!"

"Yeah I mean all she does on the show is follow you around and cries at any little thing that happens. Plus she has no faith in you."

"What do ya mean?" he said narrowing her eyes.

"What she means mutt, is that your ignorant sister doesn't believe in you. Which I have to say is not really surprising after all you come from a family of assholes."

"Shaddup Kaiba! I wasn't talkin' to you!" He looked at Caly. "What didja mean by dat?"

"Well Jou, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, who am I kidding? I _love_ being the bearer of bad news." Seeing everyone's freaked out expression she continued. "Ahem. Well anyways like I was saying, do you remember when she was going to have her eye operation and she locked her herself in her hospital room." He nodded. "Well she didn't think you were coming so she didn't want to take the operation that Yugi...uh... I mean... you, worked so hard to pay for." Jou's head hung low and he looked like a sad little puppy. Caly smirked and continued. "Yes and we can't forget about when you were dueling Rishid (Odion) and you almost lost she started to cry and tried to run away because you were losing. See? She has absolutely no faith in you."

Jou turned to the crowd looking for his sister. "Is dat true sis?" He didn't see anyone looking like her in the audience. "Sis? Sis where are you?"

"Oh...um..Jou your sister isn't here."

"Why?"

"Because I hate her and she isn't really an important character on the show so I had her banned from the studio." Kaiba smirked at him.

"Yes. So get off the stage mutt, you're taking up my face time." Jou glared pitifully at Seto.

"Oh please Kaiba! Your face is uglier than a horse's ass!" Before Kaiba could reply a horde of his rabid fan girls came up on stage, grabbed Jounouchi and sent him flying through the air, crashing into the ceiling and disappearing from everyone's sight.

"Oh dear..." Caly sweat dropped and stared at the gaping hole in her ceiling. "Who would have thought fangirls had superhuman strength! Remind me never to cross them."

Kaiba huffed. "At least their good for something." He looked at Caly. "Now I believe you were talking to me about me."

She sweat dropped again._ 'Man this guy's egotistical! Oh well, what do I care? He's hot as hell!' _She smiled dreamily.

"I know I'm the best looking guy on the planet but could you keep it in your pants."

"W-what! Are you saying that I'm a guy?!"

Seto smirked. "Well if the shoe fits..." Caly growled and stood up glaring at him.

"You're lucky you're so damn sexy otherwise I would have killed you for that remark!"

"Spare me the pitiful death threats. Now sit your ass down and let's continue with the interview." Caly sighed and sat down.

"That's a good little bitch." Kaiba sneered and watched in amusement as she tried to attack him only to be deterred by her own security personnel.

"Let me at him! I'll kill him! I'll make sure to castrate him as well! Let me go damn it!"

"Sorry ma'am but we're taking you to get laid."

"WHAT!!" Caly stopped her struggling and looked at her employees with wide eyes. "What are you morons babbling about?"

"Well," One of the security guards said. His name was Daisuke. "You see ma'am, you're so temperamental these days so the fellas and I decided that you need to get laid." There was a murmur of agreement behind him. "So we got a great guy for you to have fun with."

Caly narrowed her eyes at him. "And what makes you think I'll sleep with some random guy you chose?"

Daisuke smiled. "Well he happens to be Light Yagami from Death Note and--" Before he could finish his sentence she was already speeding away from them looking for Light.

"He's in your dressing room." He shouted to her retreating form. Daisuke turned to the other guys. "You think she heard me?"

"With that loud mouth of yours the entire continent of Asia must have heard you."

"Anyways," He purposely ignored the rude comment. "What do we do about Kaiba-san?"

"It's Kaiba-_sama_ you idiots!"

"Whatever." Daisuke muttered. "So what do we do?"

"The boss might take a while, so let's just play some of Kaiba-_sama's_ duels on the monitors. I'm sure he'll enjoy watching himself on TV for the millionth time."

"Alright." And so they played some of Kaiba's duels editing out the ending of it because Yugi _always_ defeated him.

* * *

30 minutes later...

"Ok peoples I'm back." Caly said taking her seat on her plushy blue couch. She looked at Kaiba who seemed a little more relaxed.

"It's about time you got back." He said glaring at her. "I didn't know Light had a thing for transvestites." Caly growled. Her nails digging into the innocent couch.

"For the last time Kaiba I am not a guy!" Seto snorted in disbelief.

"Yeah right. I'll believe it when I see it." Caly smirked and Seto paled. _'Oh no! She isn't going to do what I think she's going to do?'_

Before he could react Caly pulled down her underwear and hiked up her skirt giving Seto an eye full. The network completely censored everything so no one actually saw her...right lets get on with the show.

"Hey Kaiba-sama. Hey wake up!" After roughly shaking him the C.E.O finally regained consciousness.

"Ugh. Where the hell am I?" He looked at Caly and paled again. Standing up she walked back to her seat and smiled at him

"I see you remember. But don't worry you're not the only one who passed out." She gestured to the male members of the audience as well as her security staff who were all lying on the ground sporting nosebleeds. Looking at Kaiba who was now back in his seat rather than sprawled across the floor like he was a minute ago, she smirked. "Do you really think I'm still a guy?"

"Shut up." he muttered and composed himself. "Aren't you going to revive everyone?"

"Oh yeah...forgot about that." She replied getting up and walking towards the audience.

"Dumbass." Seto hissed at her back.

"I heard that!"

* * *

10 minutes later...

"Ok. Now that everyone is conscious again, let's continue with the interview."

"It's about time."

"Quiet." Caly hissed and Seto glared at her.

"Moving on. The next pairing on our list is the SetoxAnzu pairing. It's called Azureshipping by the fans."

"Why is it called Azureshipping?"

"I don't know, but my guess is it's because you guys both have blue eyes." (A/N: Seriously, if anyone knows why it's called Azureshipping please let me know. Thnx)

"Whatever." Kaiba said glancing at the crowd.

"So...what do you think about it?"

Seto sighed then glared at her...again. "Well this is probably a little easier to answer since I actually _know_ her. But I still hate it! Why would they pair me up with Mazaki?"

Caly gasped at his words. "Well because she gave you that long speech about what a loser you are and that you shouldn't give up your chip of life and that you should be thankful that you're alive. (English dub: she accused him of being a machine and that he spent so much time with them that he forgot what it means to be human. A/N: I'm following the original Japanese anime rather than the stupid 4Kids version.) And anyways you totally saved her life in Battle City and you also did it without Mokuba convincing you to."

"Whatever. That doesn't mean anything. And why the hell would I date my rival's girlfriend?" Seto folded his arms across his chest and stared at her menacingly.

Caly smirked and replied, "Well I don't know about you but wouldn't you want to make your rival pay by stealing his crush." Seto's eyebrow arched in surprise. "I mean what would hurt your rival more than seeing the woman he loves with the man he hates." Her smirk widened when she saw Kaiba's eyes light up at the prospect. "Furthermore it would devastate Yugi to see you have something he wants. It would make him envy you more than anything in the world."

Before Caly could continue rambling--

"Hey! I'm right here you know? Stupid authoress!"

--anyways like I was saying, before Caly could continue _talking_ some sense into Kaiba, he rushed off the stage into the audience where he grabbed Anzu's hand and dragged her backstage.

"I'll be right back!" he said before disappearing leaving a shocked Caly and a crying Yugi behind, who was being comforted by his fan girls.

* * *

20 minutes later...

"Dammit! Where is that egotistical jerk! I getting tired of watching edited footage of his duels!"

Just then Seto entered the studio with a wide smirk on his face. He walked up to Yugi who was still crying. "Hey Yugi." Yugi looked up at Seto with large watery eyes. Kaiba's smirk widened a little more. "Grow a pair. If you had any, I wouldn't have been backstage fucking your girlfriend." He bent down to Yugi's level. "By the way, she's my girlfriend now. Mwahahahaha!" With a flair of his coat Seto turned around and walked back to the stage, leaving a hysterical Yugi to his doom (i.e Yugi's rabid fan girls.)

Caly cleared her throat. "So...uh...Kaiba-sama, is it true that you and Anzu-san are going out?"

"Yes. I said that didn't I."

"So you're just dating her to get your revenge on Yugi?" Seto nodded. "Well at least you guys are together!" He glared at her optimistic behavior. "By the way Kaiba-sama, where's Anzu-san?"

Seto smirked delighting in what just happened 20 minutes ago. "She's in the bathroom."

Caly gaped. "You left her in the bathroom after you screwed her?" Seto sighed in irritation.

"No you moron! We had sex in your dressing room and after we were through she said she needed to use the bathroom to fix her clothes. I will not degrade myself by having sex in a bathroom like those horny idiots such as Katsuya!"

"Oh well...that's okay I guess. Hey wait a minute! You had sex in _my_ dressing room!" Kaiba gave her a sexy shrug and she found herself swooning.

"Well it was the fastest place to get to and I knew no one was there. By the way, you should really clean that place up; it was like a war zone."

Caly blushed and glared at him. "Shut up Kaiba!"

"It's Kaiba-_sama_!!"

"Whatever!"

* * *

After a brief commercial break it was time to get back to the interview.

"Once again welcome back to Live with the Yu-Gi-Oh! Cast!" The audience clapped and Caly turned towards her _guest_. "Okay now please welcome back Seto Kaiba.!" The audience cheered louder for the pompous C.E.O. _'Jerk!'_

"Now let's get to our final pairing. This one is a yaoi pairin--"

"A what?!"

"A yaoi pairing. You know, gay, homosexual, same sex, fagg--" she was cut off once again by Kaiba's halting voice.

"I know what yaoi means!" Seto hissed at her. "But what I want to know is why that pairing is involved! I'm not gay as you can see I just fucked Mazaki!"

"Whoa! Take it easy Kaiba-san. You--"

"For the last time its Kaiba-_sama_!!" his breathing was ragged and he looked crazy.

"Oh...well I'm really sorry Kaiba-sama. But you should take it easy. If you die on my show I'll never survive the backlash!" Kaiba's eye ticked at this statement. Chuckling nervously she pulled at her collar and gave him a shaky smile. "Ok we know you're not gay. Its just what the fans want so--"

"The fans want me to be gay?!" He glared at the audience.

"No! Well most of them don't. They just think that since you're always spiteful to the guys on the show you have...um...a...crush on them or something!"

"Well that's a stupid reason to base something on, besides, I have a girlfriend." he said pointing to Anzu who just returned from the bathroom.

"Yes and even though you're going out with her just for revenge, you're still not gay." Seto nodded at her. "So can we please move on?"

"Yes. By the way who am I paired up with?" Caly blanched and she looked around for an exit.

"Um...um...um..."

"Yes who is it?"

"It's Jou." she whispered.

"Who?" Kaiba asked leaning forward.

"Jou." Kaiba growled not being able to hear her.

"Speak up woman I can't hear you!"

"It's Jounouchi Katsuya okay!" As soon as it slipped out she instantly regretted it! Kaiba looked livid.

"Um..Kaiba-sama?"

"What. Did. You. Just. Say?"

"I...uh...said that the next pairing is between you and Jou. It's called Puppyshipping." Caly replied as she scooted back with every second wanting get as far away as possible before he blew a gasket. She was surprised when she saw him relax.

"So it's called Puppyshipping huh?" Caly nodded dumbly. "Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! That has got to be the best part of the entire fandom!"

"Yeah. I guess you're right Kaiba." She paused. "So I guess you're okay with it?"

Kaiba glared at her "Of course I'm not okay with it! It's disgusting to just think about it! So let me tell you assholes that pair me up with him how I feel about it."

Seto took a deep breath and shouted. "I AM NOT FUCKING GAY!! (A/N: I apologize to all the Seto/Jou fans out there but I'm only voicing what Kaiba might actually say.)

"Ok Kai--"

"I'm not finish yet." he said glaring at her some more.

"Okay."

"Even though Katsuya is gay I am certainly not as I've said before. So why don't you pair him with his master Yugi. He already follows Yugi around like a dog so you can keep the name."

"Well er..Kaiba-sama I think there's actually a fandom supporting the Yugi/Jou pairing. (A/N: Please bear with me. I don't really know about the other fandom's so if you know the Yugi/Jou one please let me know thnx)

"Well whatever as long as you never mention it again. I could care less." He folded his arms on his lap and stared at her for conformation.

"Why are you staring at me like that? Oh! um..sure. I'll never mention it again."

"Good."

"Okay that's all the time we have for now folks so this is Caly saying sayonara from the Live with the Yu-Gi-Oh! Cast! Show!" She turned to look at Seto. "Ahem. Kaiba-sama don't you want to say good bye?"

Kaiba smirked at her, "Go screw yourself!" Caly glared at his back as he stepped off the stage and made his way to Anzu. "Come on Anzu. Let's go back to my place where we can..." His voice trailed off into a whisper as he sucked on her earlobe.

A loud cry of despair was heard and everyone turned to see Yugi on the floor crying a river. His fan girls immediately rushed over to him and cuddled him.

"Right. Well once again thank you everyone for watching. This is Caly saying goodbye!" The lights dimmed and the curtains closed.

The End.

_

* * *

____Somewhere far,far,away_.

"Help! Somebody help me! I'm stuck in dis stupid tree and I can't get down!" the person struggled some more. "Moneybags I'm going to kill you!'

CREEK!

SNAP!

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!"

* * *

A/N: This was my first attempt at writing something sorta funny. So go easy on me. As for my other story Impulse, I've decided to continue it so I'll probably post about 4 more chapters at the end of the week. Thank you everyone for your reviews!

P.S. Caly is the abbreviated form of my name Calyssa.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Remember guys, I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh!

This chapter is for Bored2Deth

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"Hello again and welcome back to Live with the Yu-Gi-Oh! Cast!" The audience clapped politely. "Today our guest is none other than the King of Games, Yugi Motou!" Yugi came on stage and waved hello to everyone.

"So Yugi how are you today?" he sighed and forced a smile on his face.

"I'm fine." Caly noticed his sad voice.

"Yugi, sweetie are you sure you're okay?" He nodded. "Okay...if you're sure." He gave her a small smile.

"Alright Yugi let's begin with the interview. First things first. Are you okay with Anzu-san dating Kaiba.?" Yugi looked out in the audience where he saw Anzu perched on Kaiba's lap. His hand between her thighs. Turning his head back to Caly he swallowed the lump in his throat and gave a small nod.

"Yes. I'm okay with it." Caly shook her head and glared at Seto.

"I'm really sorry Yugi." Yugi glared at her which looked so adorable.

"You better be!" He crossed his arms and his glare intensified. "You're the one who told Kaiba-kun to go after Anzu so he can get his revenge on me!" Caly blanched and placed a comforting arm on his shoulder.

"I know. But lets face the facts. Everyone already knew that there was something going on between them. Didn't you notice that Kaiba never really insulted Anzu and he was always at a lost for words everytime they were arguing?" Yugi looked thoughtful.

"Well I guess you're right...but that doesn't change the fact that I lost my girlfriend!" he started crying. Caly patted his arm awkwardly. Awkwardly because Yugi was crying and she didn't how to deal with people crying and his fangirls were glaring at her. And from previous experience NEVER anger a fangirl!

"There, there Yugi. Don't cry. Anzu wasn't even your girlfriend to begin with." At that Yugi started bawling and his fangirls stood up to kill Caly. "Uh, quick let's go to a commercial break!"

_Blip!_

_Experience the most sinful chocolates ever created. Soft, sweet, alluring, every bite is like having an orgasm!_

_Try our new and improved Mello Bars of Chocolates. Its the sexiest, most delicious thing since Ryuk's Candied apples!_

_So why don't you come on by and pick up the deadliest, darkest Mello you could get your hands on and have your way with it!_

_Matt came on the screen and purred, "You know you want it. So come and get it!"_

_(A/N: F.Y.I. I don't own Death Note.)_

Caly blinked at the monitor. "Well uh...that was an interesting commercial." She looked out at the audience who were waiting patiently for the show to begin. "Oh! Welcome back to Live with the Yu-Gi-Oh! Cast!" They clapped half-heartedly."Well fine be that way!" Turning to look at the now stable Yugi she smiled.

"So uh, Yugi. Are you feeling any better?" He nodded his head an gave her a bright smile.

"You betcha!"

"Great! Lets continue shall we?" Yugi nodded his head again. "By the way, thanks for saving me from your fangirls."

"It was no problem Caly. Just don't call them crazy bitches again, otherwise you'll end up swimming with the fishes." Chuckling nervously she turned away from him and made a quick phone call.

"Daisuke get your lazy ass up here and do your damn job! Oh! and uh, get me one of those Mello Bars of Chocolates" She hung up the phone and smiled at Yugi.

"Okay lets get back to business. So tell me Yugi how has life been without Atemu?"

"Well Caly, its been rough. I still miss him alot, everyone does... I'm learning to deal with it, but losing a friend is never easy." Caly nodded sympathetically.

"Do you think Anzu's still in love with the Pharaoh?" Yugi sighed.

"I guess she is but she seemed to have moved on to someone else and she looks happy so I guess that's all that matters." They both looked over to Anzu and sure enough she looked quite content leaning on Kaiba's chest playing with his tie. Caly glanced at Yugi and smirked.

"Hey Yugi, did you ever think that since Atemu left you would have a chance with Anzu because you look like him?" Yugi blushed and sputtered.

"No of course not! If Anzu had any feelings for me we would have been together regardless. But seeing as she doesn't I really don't think it matters anymore."

"Uh-huh. So you don't deny that you tried to hook up with Anzu because you looked like Atemu." Yugi's face got redder.

_Flashback._

_"So um, Anzu. Is there any way we could, you know, get together?" Anzu blinked._

_"Um...Yugi you're my bestfriend but I don't want to date my best friend. It would be weird." Yugi nodded._

_"I just thought that since I looked like Atemu you might give me a chance." Anzu gasped._

_"Yugi! You think that I would date you just because you looked like the man I fell in love with?!" He nodded again._

_SLAP! _

_"You're such a jerk!" She turned and ran away crying._

_Yugi touched his cheek. "Was it something I said?"_

_End._

"Well Yugi?" Caly said crossing her arms over her chest. Yugi sweat dropped nervously.

"Y-yes. I-I mean no! Oh Ra! Stop torturing me!" He got up and ran out of the studio screaming while his fangirls chased him.

Caly blinked at the scene. "Well, I guess that concludes today's episode of Live with the Yu-Gi-Oh! Cast! On our next episode we will have our favorite dancer Miss Anzu Mazaki! See ya later!"

* * *

A/n: Okay I just wanted to torment Yugi a little. Thank you guys for all the reviews!


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own YGO

* * *

"Welcome everyone to another edition of Live with the Yu-Gi-Oh! Cast!. The audience cheered loudly (surprisingly). "I'm Caly and today we have a very special guest joining us today!" A pause. "She's the leading female character on the show, an aspiring dancer and recently Seto Kaiba's girlfriend. Please welcome Anzu Mazaki!" The audience clapped loudly and the male members shouted at her.

"You're so sexy!"

"I love you!"

"You're so hot!"

"How come they never cheer like that for me?" Caly muttered as Anzu sat opposite her. "Men are such idiots!" Anzu cleared her throat and Caly snapped out of her thoughts. "Oh! Sorry." Composing herself she smiled at Anzu. "So tell me Anzu, how does it feel to be Seto Kaiba's girlfriend?"

Anzu blinked. "Its great! Well, as great as dating an ice block is." Kaiba stood up from his seat and shouted.

"Mazaki!" She stuck her tongue out at him.

"Well its true!" Seto grumbled at sat back down and Caly blinked in astonishment.

"Wow Anzu! You sure know how to control that jerk!" She shrugged.

"Unlike some people Kaiba-kun doesn't scare me." Caly nodded and flipped through her notes intent on finding something intelligent to ask.

"Okay Anzu I guess the question on everyone's mind is why did you two-time Yugi, not once but twice?" A confused look appeared on the blue-eyed, brunette's face. Pointing at herself she whispered.

"I two-timed Yugi? Twice?" Caly nodded. "When?" Chuckling she leaned forward and place her hands in her lap.

"Well, the first time was with Atemu and now with Kaiba." Nodding slightly, Anzu glanced down and stared at her shoes, appearing guilty of the crime. Sighing she lifted her head back up and gave a sad smile.

"I didn't even realize I did that." Caly grinned and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"Well you did. But don't worry. Even though you destroyed Yugi's self esteem again, I'm sure he'll forgive you... eventually." Anzu's bottom lip trembled and her eyes filled with tears.

"I didn't even know Yugi had feelings for me. But that doesn't make sense! Why would Yugi think I'd want to be romantically involved with him? He's my best friend. I don't want to date my best friend. It would end up destroying our friendship if it didn't work out." Caly nodded and sighed happily.

"I'm happy to hear you say that since you're going out with Kaiba and I'm a major Azureshipper. But you should really talk to Yugi." Anzu nodded her eyes wide.

"Wow Caly. I didn't know you could actually give advice that makes sense and not based on revenge or personal gain." Caly gave her a weird look.

"Right. Okaaay. So anyways why don't we answer some letters from the fans? You'd think in this day and age we'd have something modern like e-mails. But nooo we had to have cheap-ass producers! Anyways moving on. Shall we?"

"Alright." Nodding, Caly pulled out one of the letters from the bright blue box in front of her.

"Lets see...Okay the first one is from Jamie from California. It says:

_Dear Anzu,_

_Why do you always preach about friendship 24/7?! Do you practice memorizing those shitty lines or something? I tell you, everytime I watch the damn show you're always blabbing about friends and their so-call importance! Well I have some advice for you; go fuck yourself!_

Caly blinked at the letter in front of her. "Um, Anzu. Are you okay?" Seeing the look on her face she tried again."Anzu are you in there?" Dumbly she shook her head and stared at Caly with fiery eyes.

"No Caly I'm not okay! Firstly, I do not preach about friggen friendship 24/7! Its not my fault 4Kids took our anime and changed it so it would be suitable for children! Secondly, I do have to memorize the lines since that's my job and thirdly, why would I fuck myself? I have Kaiba-kun to do that for me!"

Caly's eyes bugged out and she looked like she couldn't breathe. "Oh my. Anzu you shouldn't say things like that! It could ruin your good-girl reputation and next thing you know you'll be like that slut Mai Kujaku!"

Suddenly Mai walked up on stage and yelled at Caly. "I am not a slut you bitch!" Caly smirked and signaled for security.

"Daisuke. Take that whore away from here. Make sure she's in the same shit pile like her fire-crotch friend Shizuka!" Shifting back to focus on her guest, and ignoring Mai's constant shouts, she caught the patronizing glare from Anzu. "What?"

"Nothing."

"Okay lets move on." Pulling out yet another letter, Caly read its contents.

_Dear Anzu,_

_I can't believe you hurt Yugi like that! I should kill you with my army of man-eating mash mellows! Fear the power of the mashmellow! Mwahahaha! Ahem. Anyways, I'll never forgive you for hurting my Yugi-pie! You'll pay for leaving him for Kaiba!_

_Love, Ellie, NY._

"Wow," Caly said looking slighty freaked out. "Man-eating mash mellows? Yugi-pie? That woman seriously needs help."

"I totally agree."

"So uh, Anzu, what do you have to say about that letter?" Anzu shrugged and crossed her arms looking a little melancholy.

"Well, I didn't mean to hurt Yugi and I'm guessing she's one of his rabid fangirls so in that case I think I should hire some bodyguards."

"I'm available." Caly turned around and glared dangerously at the person who dared to offer his assistance.

"Daisuke! Don't make me come over there." she threatened. Daisuke cowered and retreated too the far corner of the room

"Man, she scary when she's pissed." Turning forwards once more Caly smiled at the thoughtful brunette.

"I wish you luck with that since fangirls are pretty damn psycho! And I should know since they tried to kill me on the last episode. But don't worry, if you do die I'll personally arrange your funeral."

Anzu sweat dropped. "Thanks...I think."

"Alright then. I think we have time for one last letter. This one is from Nicolette from Trinidad." It says:

_Dear Anzu,_

_I'm a big fan and despite what those morons say I don't think you preach friendship 24/7! You and Kaiba are my favorite characters in the entire show! So I'm glad you guys hooked-up! Anywho, since Kaiba is a Scorpio and like all Scorpio men I'm sure he really puts his back into it. If you know what I mean. So Anzu what's your favorite sex position and out of 10 how would you rate Kaiba's performance?"_

"Oh my goodness! What is this world coming to?!" Caly clutched her chest and gaped at the letter. Hearing a small thud, she looked over in the direction of the sound and saw Anzu sprawled across the floor with swirly eyes. "Oh my gosh! Anzu wake up!" Shaking the girl roughly and slapping her face lightly, Caly tried to revive her. "Come on Anzu wake up! You have to answer the damn questions or so help me I will kill you!" Groaning, Anzu lifted her head and stared at the hysteric woman in front of her.

"Caly...What happened?" Over joyed Caly threw herself at Anzu, hugging her fiercely.

"Yay! You're okay! Now you can tell us how good Kaiba is in bed!" Anzu blanched and made her way back to her seat.

"Um...what was the question again?" Grinning Caly read the questions again which caused Anzu to look deathly pale.

"So Anzu, answer the questions." Swallowing the lump in her throat, she nodded and let out a shaky breath.

"Okay. Thank you Nicolette for your support and um, to answer your questions, I guess my favorite sex position is...um missionary and uh, Kaiba-kun's performance in bed is..."

"Yes is.." Caly said leaning forward eager to hear the answer. Shifting in her seat, Anzu grasped her neck and tried to fight the rosy blush on her cheeks.

"Out of 10 Kaiba-kun is uh," She fidgeted again in her seat which caused our host to get bitchy.

"Oh for gosh sakes Anzu! Answer the fucking question already! Can't you see millions of fangirls including me are waiting for your answer!" Anzu glared and her and shouted.

"Fine! Geez you're such a psycho bitch! Anyways, out of 10 Kaiba-kun is about a 8! Happy?" Caly shook her head and sighed.

"No. Since I'm the one not getting any action from him."

"And you never will." She glared at the person who interrupted her.

"Kaiba! You idiot! Get a life!" Glaring hatefully, the C.E.O tapped her on her head.

"For the last time twit its Kaiba-_sama_!" Caly grumbled to herself and flipped him off. Turning away from the rude host--

"Hey you stupid authoress watch what you say, er, type! And don't think I've forgotten about that bitchy comment either!" Whatever. Turning away from the _delightful _and _spirited _host--"Much better." Right anyways, Kaiba took his girlfriend's hand and whispered silkily to her.

"Lets get out of here so I can change that 8 to a 10. Is that okay with you?" Anzu smiled and linked her fingers with his.

"Definitely!"

Watching the couple go Caly sighed to herself and turned back to the ever respectful audience. _'Respectful? Yeah right!'_ Clearing her throat she smiled.

"Thank you again for tuning in and join us next week for a special episode where I murder every member of the Yu-Gi-Oh! cast!" The audience gasped in horror. Smirking devilishly she replied. "Just kidding! See you next time!"

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A/N: Please review!!


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own ygo

WARNING: This chapter contains major Shizuka bashing so if you don't like don't read!!

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"Hola! Como estan? Bienvenidos a Live With The Yu-Gi-Oh! Cast!. Mi nombre es Caly y--"

"Would you stop speaking Spanish and get on with the bloody show!" Pouting Caly shot her so-called bodyguard a venomous glare and turned to her audience who were all looking like this--(o.O)

"Alright fine! Excuse me for trying to spice things up a bit!" Clearing her throat she put on a smile and waved to everyone."Welcome back to Live With The Yu-Gi-Oh! Cast! I'm Caly and today we have a special show planned for you guys." The audience cheered loudly without knowing what the special show was about. _'What morons! I could be planning their deaths and they wouldn't even know it.'_ "Okay well since I've been mostly interviewing the main characters of the show, I've decided to interview the minor characters who most of us don't give a damn about. For example Honda Hiroto."

"Hey I am not a minor character! I appear in every season!" Honda shouted from his place in the audience. A sly look appeared on Caly's face as she leaned forward to address her guest.

"Well Honda its true you appear in every season but do you do anything remotely memorable or contribute to the show besides when you were a robot monkey? And even then you were useless!" He stuttered and sat back down gingerly. "Yeah I thought so! Anyways, like I was saying, I've decided to interview the minor characters of the show which means I've got to allow the slut and little miss fire-crotch back on the show." Sighing, Caly signaled for her bodyguard. "Yo! shit-for-brains bring those bitches back on set!"

Glaring Daisuke made his way towards his employer. "Who are you calling shit-for-brains?"

"The idiot in front of me." Huffing he crossed his arms over his chest and appeared offended.

"After all I've done for you, you still insult me. Did you forget I hooked you up with Light Yagami! And protected you from crazy-ass fangirls! Not to mention I work my ass off for your damn show cause I care about you!" Caly touched her shoulder awkwardly.

"Oh Daisuke I didn't know you felt that way."

"Well I do!" Smiling she got up and embraced her disgruntled employee.

"Its okay. I'm sorry for hurting your feelings. Do you think you could forgive me?" He nodded slowly. "Alright. Why don't you go get those bitches so I can torture--I mean interview them?"

"Okay." Watching him leave Caly smile impishly and sat back down whispering to herself.

"What a pussy."

"I heard that!"

"Whoops! Sorry Daisuke! Anyways why don't we go to a commercial break while Daisuke fetches our minor characters?"

_Blip!_

_Yo! Yo! Yo! It's Malik in the house!_

_"What up my peeps? I'm here to introduce my new line of designer threads! Its the most hoppin thing out this summer! Look at all the beautiful colors and the detail. Wow you couldn't look more fly. So why don't you--_

_"Hey freak! Get your gay-ass out of here!"_

_Malik swiveled around and glared at the person who interrupted him._

_"You dare to interrupt the god of this world asswipe!"_

_"Umm...yeah?" Growling, Malik move forward and pulled out a kunai from his pocket._

_"Prepare to meet you maker!" He lunged at the unfortunate soul who wronged him._

_"Dude chill you're overreac--AAHHHHH! Somebody save me!" Just then the Smallville theme song started playing and Clark Kent sped down the path and carried away the screaming man. Malik stood watching them go._

_"Damn! Now I have to murder the lead character of my favorite show."_

_Blip!_

"O-okay. Remind me not to air anymore commercials. They're getting crazier and crazier every show. I hope Malik doesn't take his frustrations out on us."

"You and me both!" Turning around Caly smiled at Daisuke.

"You're back. Great lets begin." Smiling widely at the audience who were all waiting patiently for the show to begin. "Okay everyone, without further ado lets bring out our first guest. Miss Fire--oops I mean, Miss Shizuka Kawai!" The audience clapped politely and Caly forced a smile.

"Shizuka. How...nice it is to have you here with us."

"Why thank you Caly its wonderful to be here." She smiled and sat down and Caly cringed at her screechy voice.

"Right. So anyways why don't you tell us about the rumor that you sang a song in the Yu-Gi-Oh! manga which made Seto Kaiba fall in love with you?" Blushing, Shizuka smiled and played with her fingers.

"Well it_ is _a rumor but I can sing wonderfully. Would you like to hear?"

"Do I have to?"

"Well I'm not forcing you."

"Good lets move--" Seeing her start on the water works, Caly sighed. "Alright sing your blasted song I can't stand to see you acting like a baby for the millionth time! I might poke my eyes out!" Sniffling Shizuka stood up and grabbed a microphone.

"Okay this song is for all my fans. Ahem. WHEN I SEE YOUR FACE..." Caly grabbed her head covering her ears in an attempt to block out the banshee like sound coming from her guest.

"Aaahhh!! Make it stop!! My ears are going to combust!!" The sound of breaking glass caused her to look up. _'That's it no one destroys my set!'_ Getting up from her seat Caly walked up to Shizuka.

"DON'T FORGET I LOVE YO--"

"Give me that!" She hissed at the redhead. "Now sit your ass down and don't ever sing in front of me again!" Sniffling again, Shizuka walked back to her seat and pouted.

"Okay is everyone alright." They nodded and Caly looked towards her guest. "Alright Shizuka lets move on. And stop crying before I give you something to cry about!" The small girl backed away slightly and tried to control her tears. "So tell me Shizuka, are you really like what the show portrays you to be?"

"Y-yes. I really love my big brother and I always believe in him no matter what." Caly narrowed her eyes and nodded slightly.

"Right and I'm the Queen of the Underworld. So what you're trying to say is that you really don't give a rat's ass about your brother and you're a high-maintenance bitch who only cares about herself and cries to get attention from Otogi and Honda. Plus you can't duel which was painful to watch by the way, you don't have a sense of style and you're just a fire-crotched little slut!" Shizuka gasped and her bottom lip trembled.

"H-how can you say such mean things?"

"Because I can."

"I don't understand how you can be so cruel! You're such a mean bitch!" Everyone gasped at the usually quiet Shizuka who just said a bad word. Caly smirked with a 'I told you so' look on her face. "And why do you call me fire-crotch!" Her smirk widened and she opened her mouth to speak when Shizuka interrupted her. "I think you're jealous of me. I mean look at me I'm fourteen and I look like a model!"

Caly glared and stood menacingly over the snobby brat. "Look here you ingrate. I will never be jealous of you! I'd rather drink poison! And as for the 'fire-crotch' thing, have you ever looked in your pants! No guy wants to go down on that! So why don't you take your fat ass and get off my stage! Now!"

Shizuka huffed and walked off the stage like a drag queen. Turning around she tried to glare at our host. "I'll sue you for this! No one gets away with insulting me!"

Caly flipped her off and smirked. "I'd like to see you try. By the way, Daisuke would you be a dear and kick her ass out on the street where she belongs. I wouldn't want to keep her from her fellow mongrels."

"It'll be my pleasure." Daisuke grabbed Shizuka's arm and threw her out. Smiling, Caly stood in front of her audience who were flabbergasted at their host's behavior.

"I apologize for you having to listen to her screech but I would like to point out that I was right about her and you were all wrong! Mwahahaha!" Everyone sweat dropped and continued to stare at her. "Ahem well anyways at least our ratings will go up!"

Anime fall.

Caly blinked at the audience who were picking themselves up from floor. "Are you guys alright? Well moving on, that's the end of this episode so tune in next time when we have more minor characters on the show and a very special episode where we sit down and talk to the handsome yet mildly insane Ryou Bakura!"

All the females sighed and fanned themselves. "Yeah he's that hot! Bye everyone!"

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A/N: I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter as much as I did! I apologize if I unintentionally insulted any redheads reading this. I just wanted to torture Shizuka! Please review!


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh!

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"Hiya folks and welcome back to the most wonderful show on television: Live with the Yu-Gi-Oh! Cast!" The audience clapped half-heartedly and Caly glared. "Look. If you don't pretend to enjoy the show I'll cancel it and you'll have to watch the 4Kids version!" Suddenly the audienced perked up and cheered rather loudly. "Much better. Now, please welcome the biggest slut in anime excluding Mana Kuzunoha from Tenjho Tenge, Mai Kujaku!" The male audience whooped and whistled as a very disgruntled Mai made her way on the stage. She sat down and flipped her hair glaring at our host.

"Well Mai, its so nice to have you here with us." _'I'm becoming better at this lying thing.' _Caly thought as she regarded Mai with a sickenly sweet smile. The blonde just continued to glare at her.

"Cut the bullshit you bitch. You and I both know you don't want me here." Caly just shrugged.

"Its true I don't want you here but what can I say. You're a part of the show so I have no choice but to tolerate your skanky behind." Mai just ran a hand through her hair and appeared unaffected. "So if you don't mind I would like to continue my show."

"Whatever."

"Good." Flipping through her cards, she smiled when she came across a juicy topic. Raising her head Caly smirked. "Okay Mai, everyone wants to know about your relationship with Valon who was weirdly enough in love with you." Mai arched her perfectly waxed eyebrow and crossed her legs.

"Is there something wrong with Valon being in love with me?"

"Of course not." Caly said shaking her head. "Its just well, you're so _old_."

"Excuse me!" Mai screamed.

Nodding Caly smirked and opened her mouth to explain. "Look, you're twenty four years old and you hang around a bunch of teenagers. No one comes close to your age group since everyone is sixteen and under. Therefore you're old."

Mai growled and dug her manicured nails into the couch. "How dare you! You have no right to talk to me like that! I'm Mai Kujaku the world's greatest female duelist!"

Caly just simply looked bored. "Sure you are." She drawled in a Kaiba like fashion. "But anyways, its rather pathetic actually. Don't you have friends your own age or are you simply one of those people who prey on innocent teens?" Mai's face burned with anger and she wanted nothing more than to bash the bitchy host's face in.

"I know what you trying to do. You're trying to make me look like a fool on national television. Well its not going to work." She finished off, leaning back into her seat and crossing her arms over her partially exposed chest.

"Riiight. That's exactly what I'm trying to do. Do you even own a mirror?"

"Of course I do!"

"Well you might want to get a new one because I think yours is broken." Caly replied looking at the digusting display of skin Mai was flaunting. _'Can anyone say low class whore?'_

"Whatever. You wished you looked this good."

"Yeah, I wish I was an old broad who has no dignity whatsoever." She muttered.

"What did you say?!"

"Oh nothing!" Taking a glass of water, Caly sipped thoughtfully as she looked at her guest. Replacing the glass, she cleared her throat and decided to get back to the _important_ question she asked earlier. "So Mai, tell us about your relationship with Valon."

Mai smiled, glad to talk about herself once again. _'Man, she's just as bad as Kaiba!'_ "Well hon, Valon was in love with me but what can I say everyone is." The male audience members cheered and Mai beamed. "See? Well anyways I didn't have feelings for him other than friendship so there isn't much more to say."

Caly gave her a sceptical look. "Right and I'm to believe that bunch of crap you just said? Come one Mai, Valon is waaay better looking than Jounouchi, not to mention those baby blue eyes and that sexy Australian accent. You couldn't have turned that down for the mutt! Who by the way has no manners unlike Valon."

The blonde tapped her chin thoughtfully with her fore finger and seemed to actually be considering Caly's comments. Shaking her head, she dispelled any irrational thoughts.

"Nice try but I'm not going to fall for your tricks like Kaiba so you can just shove it."

"Okay. But I'm just saying..."

"Well don't! I already have my sights on a guy and you can't make me think otherwise." Sighing, Caly looked through her set of cards when she realized something.

"Wait a minute. Does anyone know what happened to Jounouchi?" Mai shrugged and Caly turned towards Daisuke. "Hey Daisuke do you know what happened to him?"

"Didn't Kaiba's fangirls sent him flying out of the building?"

"Huh? Oh yeah that was pretty funny wasn't it?" They both started laughing when Mai's voice was heard.

"Could you two focus on me for a change? This is _my_ interview you know and I don't want to have to take the backseat again for that idiot!"

Caly blinked. "Yeah. You must get pretty tired of being in the backseat, especially in a car."

"WHAT!!"

"Nothing! Nothing! You're hearing things again. Can anyone get me a hearing aid for grandma over here?" Mai stood up in rage and made her way across the stage to our lovely host.

"Why you little bitch! I'll make you pay for saying--"

"Um...excuse me Miss Caly." Both women turned to the young man who was shifting nervously beside them.

"Uh, yes can I help you Mr?"

"Oh! Tomokazu Shikimori miss." Caly smiled at the guy who was rubbing his neck awkardly. "I'm an intern here and I brought you that hearing aid you wanted for Miss Kujaku."

"Why thank you Mr Shikimori." She took the hearing aid from him and watched him return backstage. Smirking at Mai she extended her hand. "Here you go grandma."

Mai's face contorted into absolute fury and she smacked the hearing aid out of Caly's hand. "Listen you bitch, call me grandma one more time and I'll scratch your eyes out." Caly gasped and gave her guest a look of mock fear.

"Oh please Mai don't hurt me." She turned serious and smirked. "I won't be able to survive being smothered in your granny stench." Mai shrieked and lunged at her.

"That's it you bitch! You're dead!" Caly just continued smirking and reached for a tiny lever at the side of her seat. Pulling it up, she watched Mai fall through the floor and into the dark abyss below.

"I knew installing that trap door was a good idea." She turned to the audience who were all staring at her in shock. "What?" They shook their heads and sighed.

Pushing the lever back down the hole in the floor closed and Caly stood to address her viewers. "Don't worry you guys Mai is going to be alright. There's a mattress at the bottom."

"Uh...Caly?"

"Yes Daisuke."

"That wouldn't happen be the mattress over there would it?" He said pointing at the floral mass behind him. Caly sweat dropped and chuckled nervously.

"Oops! Heh heh. My bad!" Everyone groaned and slapped their foreheads. "Well I'm sure she's okay. So uh, tune in next time and uh I hope you enjoyed. Bye!"

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A/N: I hope you enjoyed reading. So finally the next chapter would have our favorites villains! Till then...REVIEW and THANK YOU!


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I don't own YGO!

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"Welcome everyone to the best episode of Live with the Yu-Gi-Oh! Cast! As you know, today we have Ryou Bakura and Malik Ishtar!" All the female audience members screamed loudly and Caly covered her ears and sighed. "Okay, okay. So I just want you to know--"

"Caly?" Turning to the left she smiled at the person addressing her.

"Yes Daisuke?"

"Why are you dressed like that?" She blinked at him and then looked at her outfit.

"Dressed like what?"

"Well you look like a whore threw up on you." Caly gasped and glared at him.

"What the hell are you saying Daisuke?!" Shrugging he made his way towards her and grabbed her arm. Pushing her in front of a floor length mirror, he gestured at her outfit.

"Look at yourself. You're wearing the shortest skirt I've ever seen outside of a strip club, fishnet stockings and a corset! Are you auditioning for the Moulin Rouge or something?" Caly gasped again, startled at the accusation. She placed her hands on her hips and raised a quizzical brow.

"How did you know I danced there?" She grabbed his collar and tried to shake him. "Who told you dammit?!" Seeing his baffled expression, she let go off him and patted his shirt awkwardly. "Um...I mean how dare you?"

Shrugging her off, he gave her a patronizing look. "...Right anyways, back to the original question, why are you dressed like that?"

"Well because two of the sexiest Yu-Gi-Oh! characters are going to be on the show. So I have to look good." Nodding his head slightly he glanced at her outfit again.

"So you think looking like Mai Kujaku is what you would call 'looking good'?" Caly slapped him on his shoulder rather hard.

"Daisuke! I look way better than her!"

"Well that's true, but--" He suddenly turned pale and Caly wondered why that was. She opened her mouth to speak when he grabbed her hand and dragged her backstage. "Alright what the hell happened to Mai?" Daisuke hissed as soon as they were out of sight. Pulling her hand out of his grasp she glared at him.

"What do you mean?"

"Didn't she fall through the stage and landed five feet below?"

"Yeah so?" Groaning, Daisuke refrained from shaking her.

"So when you went to retrieve her was she okay?" Blinking in confusion, Caly crossed her arms.

"Wait. I thought you went to get her?"

"No." Their eyes became wide and they looked like they were about to have aneurysm.

"Don't tell me--"

"--She's still down there?"

"Shit!" Both Daisuke and Caly cursed.

"Well," Caly started. "Its been a week since she was down there. So chances are she's either dead or on the verge of death. I vote we should leave her there and let nature takes its course. What about you?"

"Yeah that's works for me."

Caly smiled. "Okay lets get back to the show and meet Bakura and Malik!" She squealed jumping up and down. Daisuke rolled his eyes at her antics.

"You're such a fangirl!"

"Whatever!"

Walking back onstage Caly greeted her audience who were waiting for her patiently. Okay who the hell am I kidding? They were stark raving mad!

"Start the show already!"

"What's taking so long?!"

"We want Bakura and Malik!"

Chuckling nervously, Caly attempted to get the show back on track. "Okay everyone. I'm sorry you had to wait so long. Now lets begin." The audience erupted in cheers of delight and Caly smiled. "Okay before we begin, I would like to inform everyone, especially the rabid fangirls that the stage is surrounded by an electromagnetic field. So you can't get onstage." Everyone groaned. "This is for your own safety folks. As well as mine" She muttered under her breath. "Okay without further ado lets bring out our first guest Mr Ryou Bakura!"

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A/N: Mwhahaha! A Cliffie! Sorry but you guys will have to wait. On the bright side you got to know what happened to Mai...okay I'll stop talking now.


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